The Joy of Holy Humor Truly Last final update

There’s a season for everything    

and a time for every matter under the heavens:     

a time for giving birth and a time for dying,    

a time for planting                                                                

and a time for uprooting what was planted,  

a time for killing and a time for healing,    

a time for tearing down and a time for building up,  

a time for crying and a time for laughing...

    

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4a

             A preacher's little boy inquired, "Daddy, I notice every Sunday morning when you first come out to preach, you sit up on the platform and bow your head. What are you doing?" 
             The father explained, "I'm asking the Lord to give me a good sermon." 
             The little boy said, "Why don't he?" 

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"This isn’t the time or the place for that!"  I’ve heard this phrase wielded countless times about what is and is not appropriate for worship. We all agree, it seems, that there is a time for dying to self, time for uprooting sin, a time for tearing down defenses, a time for crying, a time for mourning, a time for avoiding embraces, a time for tearing our hearts (not our clothes), a and a time for hating evil.

                Season of Lent is there to help us to focus on these things.  But unfortunately, we get stuck at times.  We take ourselves quite seriously to the point that we miss the reason for giving up so much.  There is a reason that we take up our cross; it’s because we were meant to be emptied so that God might fill us with something different – with joy.  God wants our lives to be filled with, well, life. We are to be as faithful to the delight that God wants to share with us as to the guilt of our sin.  Let's not neglect these other parts of the scripture…for there are also times for giving birth, planting, building up, for repairing, for healing, for embracing, for dancing, for laughing, and for loving.
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http://www.buildingchurchleaders.com/multimedia/cartoons/

The Reverend Billy Graham tells of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to mail a letter, he asked a young boy where the post office was. 

When the boy had told him, Dr. Graham thanked him and said, "If you'll come to the Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to Heaven." "I don't think I'll be there," the boy said. "You don't even know your way to the post office."

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One day God was looking down to earth and saw all of the evil that was going on and decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out.  so God sent an angel to earth for a time. When the angel returned it told God, "yes it is bad on earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good."

Well, God thought for a moment and said “maybe I had better send down a second angel just in case.” So God sent a second angel to earth for a time. This angel returned to God and said “yes the earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.”

http://www.buildingchurchleaders.com/multimedia/cartoons/

God said this was not good and decided to send a letter to the 5% that were good and encourage them, something to help them keep going. Do you know what that letter said?






Oh, you didn't get one either?!

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There once was an Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. 

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. 

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fainted to the floor.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: 

"Dearest Wife, 
          Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. 

Signed, 
Your eternally loving husband. 

P.S. Sure is hot down here."

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Edited from H.A. Williams' book Tensions:
No wonder the Pharisees, who seem to have been always wholly serious, had to have Jesus put down. He made their piety look ridiculous.

Who in reality had ever witnessed a pious man blowing a trumpet before he put a dollar in the offering plate? And then there were camels going through the eyes of needles, not to mention camels being swallowed easily by those who choked when they swallowed a gnat.

And worse: idlers who were given full pay, stewards who were successful cheats, wicked sons being distinguished on their return home - what had all this nonsense have to do with religion?

…but Eternity had the last laugh after all. Here are Caiaphas, Pilate, Herod and all theirs, have done their duty getting rid of a dangerous fool. He is safely dead. Now they can concentrate on the serious matters to which their lives are dedicated.

But behind their backs,  the fool has popped up again like a Jack-in-the-box and is dancing about even more vigorously than before. People here, there and everywhere are falling under his spell…

If that isn't funny, nothing is. The resurrection is the supreme, the

final, the ultimate joke. And since laughter is highly contagious, perhaps even the hardest heart will in time catch the disease, turn around, see the joke, and then laugh with the rest of creation because the kingdom of God has drawn near."
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          There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

          Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.

http://www.buildingchurchleaders.com/multimedia/cartoons/

          One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."
          He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.
          When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!" 

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The child and his mother:

              A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

             The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

             The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

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http://www.buildingchurchleaders.com/multimedia/cartoons/

There was a terrible blizzard and it was snowing and snowing all weekend. Sunday morning came and the Pastor saw that the snow had reached his window. He didn't think anyone would be coming to church this morning, but he felt obliged to go anyway. The pastor fought his way through the icy wind and snow to get next door to the church. He waited in the sanctuary, reading, for ten minutes. He was about to go when the door opened, and a man staggered through. 

" Hello!" said the pastor. "Church will have to be cancelled today. You're the only one who has come."

The man replied, "Reverend, if you had a big herd of sheep, and only one came home that night to feed, would you still feed him?" 

The pastor was amazed and cried, "Yes! I would!" He then was filled with the spirit, and decided to preach the best sermon ever. He talked and talked about all of life's trials and joys. He referred to passages from Genesis to Job, Psalms to John, Acts to Revelation. He did so with profound excitement and conviction. This went on for a long time. 

After the minister had come to his final conclusion, he went down and talked to the other man. " Did that satisfy you, sir?" he asked happily. 

The man replied, "Reverend, if you had a herd of sheep and only one came home that night to feed, would you make sure he ate the whole bale of hay!?"
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A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is, but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. 

"Because I'm not an atheist." 

"Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?"

"I'm a Christian."

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian. 

"Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and you dad was a moron. What would you be then?"


A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Lucy, "I'd be an atheist!"

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  One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. 

The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."

God listened patiently and kindly to the man and, after the scientist was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest."

To which the man replied, "OK, great!"

But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"  

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An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 250 $1 bills. 

He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" 

http://www.buildingchurchleaders.com/multimedia/cartoons/

The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. 

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $250 was for. 

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1." 

          

Loving Like Jesus

          “Children, I am with you for only a short time longer. You are going to look high and low for me. But just as I told the Jews, I’m telling you: ‘Where I go, you are not able to come.’         “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."

John 13:33-35, The Message

Years ago, I was working on Sunday's worship service on a Tuesday afternoon in the Monaghan UMC church office. I spent time selecting hymns, reading over scriptures again, and asking God for guidance and insight.  I have often hears the expression "be careful what you pray for…"

My office door was open and I heard noise coming from the hall.  I glanced up to see bird swooping over my head and smash into my office window that faced outside.  Needless to say, I quickly left office, ran down the stairs and found the custodian working on the church grounds. To remove our fine feathered friend from the office would take teamwork. I told him we should close all the doors in the church first, and then try to get the bird outside. Since this was a multi-level building, I went down the steps and he went up.  I closed off all the downstairs doors and reached the top of the stairs back at ground level.  The custodian told me that the bird was now in the secretary’s office. 
Before could do anything else, bird flew down the hall, and instead of going toward the open, beckoning doors, the bird flew into the doors of the sanctuary. This was a traditional, rectangular sanctuary with high, vaulted ceilings and exposed beams.  It was beautiful to see, but a puzzle with a bird flying around inside. What a scene we made! Two grown men, waving brooms, yelling, making noises into microphones -- we did anything we could to keep that bird moving so that it would fly out the front doors…I remember saying more than once, “I don’t want to hurt the bird, but we have to do something to get it out of here…” After over an hour, the bird landed on a back pew, saw the light of day through the front doors, and quickly flew to freedom once again.  

I have thought about that experience many times. I didn't want to hurt the bird and yet had to get it out of the building. It would die without food and water. I wonder what bird thought about these two huge monsters waving sticks, making noises.  I am sure that it was scared to death and could not recognize what we were doing.  We were not trying to hurt and scare the bird out of feelings of hate. Instead, we were trying to help as an expression of love for one of God’s creatures.The only problem was that in order to truly love this bird, we had to frighten it.; we had to keep it moving toward the doors and keep it off of the high rafters and from plowing into the stained glass windows. This was not what bird wanted, but love’s call was to do what the bird NEEDED.

Jesus says to his disciples “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another." Jesus points to a love that goes far beyond our wants to our deepest needs.  The love of God in Jesus Christ saw us buried beneath the burdens of sin and death.  Instead of bringing us a life of temporary happiness filled with empty and passing pleasures, Jesus loved us at a much deeper, and much more painful level.  Our need was to be reconnected to God – our sin had severed our relationship.  The end result of our sin – certain death.  

Jesus could have chosen to love us in two ways. We could have remained in sin and been (as I call it) doted upon by our benevolent Santa from on high. Our days could be filled with fun and totally carefree; our nights an ongoing celebration…and yet in the end we would all die and spend forever separated from God.  So instead of giving us what we might have wanted, Jesus offers us what we need.  He took death upon himself, what was supposed to be OUR punishment, and then destroyed death in rising again from the dead. Through his self-sacrificing love,  we receive what we truly need  -- a restored relationship with God through faith in Christ.  Our faith may not save us from this world, but it insures that death is not the end, but only the beginning of our life forever with him.

I wish that I could say that living Jesus’ words “In the same way I loved you, you love one another” would be easy, but they’re not.Look what Jesus’ love for you and me cost him; his love cost him his very life. So too when we go to live our love, putting our faith into action sometimes hurts. It can cause us pain…

Years ago,  an older gentleman came to our door who had gotten lost and needed a ride home.  He said that he needed to get back home from a hard day’s work, that he was new in town, and all he could remember is that he lived in an upstairs apartment across from the Berea Plaza.  He said he would recognize it when he saw it.  After crisscrossing Berea, it quickly became evident that he did not recognize anything. He had no ID, and his memory was extremely fuzzy about any details.  My wife suggested that we call the police, which she did while I returned home.  After the police arrived, they confirmed that this man had actually been missing for several hours, and his family was extremely worried.  His son-in-law came to our house and picked the wanderer up.  Once they pulled away, the police officer informed me that the man has Alzheimer’s disease and that this was not the first time he had strayed from home.

“Usually we find him in a neighbors’ yard or within a block or two of the house,” said the officer, “We have told his daughter that they should really consider some additional care for him, but they say everything will be fine.  He’s never wandered this far before.  I just hope they’ll do something before something happens to him.”

Sometimes loving like Christ loves is admitting that a parent or spouse is unable to care for themselves like they could at one time.  Sometimes loving like Christ loves is taking a loved one to rehabilitation.  Sometimes it’s removing life support after someone’s body has finally failed.  Sometimes it is telling a child that they cannot come home until they clean up their act. Sometimes loving like Christ loves means risking embarrassment to openly share our faith with another.

Sometimes loving like Christ loves us is the hardest, most painful thing that we can do. But, in the words of Jesus, “This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

Grace and Peace,

WARNING:Somebody Changed the Weights at the Y!!

The few weeks have been quite chaotic, but exciting, as we have moved to a new community and a new church family.  It has been difficult to find the same rhythm that 8 years in one location allows you to experience.  Today, after a month or so of neglect, I returned to the YMCA.  On the surface, everything looked the same -- the check-in station, the locker room, the pool -- even the equipment appeared to be the same...

...appeared to be the same until I started to use them.  In the fall, I met weekly with one of the trainers at the Y to get myself on a regimented wellness program.  She taught me many exercises, both on and off the machines.  One of the things we did was carefully note the exact position for every seat, bar, and lift on the weight equipment. We also indicated the exact weight and number of repetitions that I would do on any given workout.  I knew exactly how difficult each piece of equipment was and how tired that I would be when I had finished my workout.  This is how I know that someone must have changed the numbers on the weights at the YMCA during my absence -- putting the lower numbers on the heavier weights.

I began my workout as I always did.  I noticed that the leg press machine fought me much more than was typical.  My arms screamed as I pushed handles above my head.  I double-checked the weight; it was exactly where it was supposed to be. It made no sense.  As my workout progressed, I discovered the obvious conspiracy to change the numbers on the weights so that I would have a more strenuous workout...

...except that isn't what happened.  After weeks of missing my regular workout schedule, my body is no longer accustomed to the workout I used to do several times a week.  My muscles have gotten lazy.  They have to be re-trained.  They lack the discipline they once had.

This made me think about our spiritual lives.  Participating in worship, serving in mission and ministry, giving generously, practicing spiritual disciplines (like Scripture reading, prayer, devotion, and fasting) are not "heavy lifting" -- if we are used to it.  Once out of the habit, our spirits get lazy.  We have to be re-trained; we need to rediscover the joy of discipline.

The Good News is that we can have a new beginning at any time.  Grace abounds, and in our weakness, God is strong.  So, the weights were heavy today, but later this month they will grow lighter.  Before long, those sneaky folks at the Y will change the numbers on the weights back to where they are supposed to be.  As I stay disciplined, my body will respond accordingly, and God will bless my faithfulness through good health.

In our walk with Christ, we can only start where we are.  Each day, through discipline, the weight gets a little lighter, until we simply experience the joy of the ongoing rhythm of a life in faith.

Grace and Peace,

For Those Who Rely on their Spell Checker...

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
-Sauce unknown

It could be worse

Just as I find myself in the midst of sermon preapration, housework, charge conference paperwork, Disicple Bible Study preparation, pastoral care calls, etc., I remind myself that it could be worse. Take this letter from a number of sources on the internet:

Dear Mom,

Scoutmaster Webb told us to write our parents in case you heard about the flood and got worried. We’re all okay. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Nobody drowned because we were all on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yeah, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he’s okay. He can’t write her because of the cast on his arm.

I got to ride in one of the search-and-rescue Jeeps! It was neat! We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn’t been for all the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire, so he probably didn’t hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? It was so cool! The wet wood still wouldn’t burn, but one of our tents did, and some of our clothes. Boy, Johnny is going to look weird until his hair grows back!

We’ll be home Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked good when we left. But he said with a car that old you have to expect something to break down. That’s probably why he can’t get insurance. We think it’s a neat car. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 15 people in the car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and yelled at him.

This morning all the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. And Scoutmaster Webb isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn’t even get mad about us leaving the life jackets behind. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car, so we’re trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We passed our first-aid merit badges. When Dave dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also, Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick like that with the food they ate in prison. I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he figured out how to do things better while he was doing time.

I have to go now. We’re going into town to mail this and buy some bullets and more gasoline. Don’t worry about anything. We’re doing just fine.

Love, Your son

—Anonymous (various Internet sources).

IT is so easy in life to focus on all the ways that things have gone wrong; to see the negative in life. In the middle of even the most difficult of days, God is at work. I am reminded of the old hymn "Count Your Blessings."

When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

I am more blessed than broken. I am more hopeful than helpless. I see more future than failure. I just wish that my first thought would have been, "Oh, how I am blessed" rather than "It could be worse."

Gracious God, turn my eyes and thoughts toward the countless blessings that I have. Help me live a life of overflowing gratitude that my thanksgiving may match your grace given to me. Amen!

Just for fun

It has been such a serious couple of months that I thought some levity was in order.
Here is a list of "Famous Last Words." Enjoy...

Famous Last Words:
1. What does this button do?
2. It’s probably just a rash.
3. Are you sure the power is off?
4. The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
5. Hey y'all! Watch this!
6. Which wire was I supposed to cut?
7. I wonder where the mother bear is.
8. I’ve seen this done on TV.
9. I’ll hold it and you light the fuse.
10. This doesn’t taste right.
11. Nice doggie.
12. I can do that with my eyes closed.