Preview for May 13, 2011 sermon

Here is an excerpt from Phillip Yancey's book  What's So Amazing About Grace?

During a British conference on comparative religions, experts from around the world debated what, if any, belief was unique to the Christian faith. They began eliminating possibilities. Incarnation? Other religions had different versions of gods' appearing in human form. Resurrection? Again, other religions had accounts of return from death. The debate went on for some time until C.S. Lewis wandered into the room. "What's the rumpus about?" he asked, and heard in reply that his colleagues were discussing Christianity's unique contribution among world religions. Lewis responded, "Oh, that's easy. It's grace."

          After some discussion, the conferees had to agree. The notion of God's love coming to us free of charge, no strings attached, seems to go against every instinct of humanity. The Buddhist eight-fold path, the Hindu doctrine of karma, the Jewish covenant, and the Muslim code of law -- each of these offers a way to earn approval. Only Christianity dares to make God's love unconditional.

          Aware of our inbuilt resistance to grace, Jesus talked about it often. He described a world suffused with God's grace: where the sun shines on people good and bad; where birds gather seeds gratis, neither plowing nor harvesting to earn them; where untended wildflowers burst into bloom on the rocky hillsides. Like a visitor from a foreign country who notices what the natives overlook, Jesus saw grace everywhere. Yet he never analyzed or defined grace, and almost never used the word. Instead, he communicated grace through stories we know as parables.

          -Philip Yancey, What's So Amazing About Grace? (Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan Publishing House, 1997), 45.

Enjoy God's beautiful gift of grace in Jesus Christ!

In Honor of Holy Humor Sunday

A preacher's little boy inquired, "Daddy, I notice every Sunday morning when you first come out to preach, you sit up on the platform and bow your head. What are you doing?"

The father explained, "I'm asking the Lord to give me a good sermon."

The little boy said, "Why don't he?"

Edited from H.A. Williams' book Tensions:

            No wonder the Pharisees, who seem to have been always wholly serious, had to have Jesus put down. He made their piety look ridiculous.

            Who in reality had ever witnessed a pious man blowing a trumpet before he put a dollar in the offering plate? And then there were camels going through the eyes of needles, not to mention camels being swallowed easily by those who choked when they swallowed a gnat.

            And worse: idlers who were given full pay, stewards who were successful cheats, wicked sons being distinguished on their return home - what had all this nonsense have to do with religion?

            …but Eternity had the last laugh after all. Here are Caiaphas, Pilate, Herod and all theirs, have done their duty getting rid of a dangerous fool. He is safely dead. Now they can concentrate on the serious matters to which their lives are dedicated.

            But behind their backs,  the fool has popped up again like a Jack-in-the-box and is dancing about even more vigorously than before. People here, there and everywhere are falling under his spell…

            If that isn't funny, nothing is. The resurrection is the supreme, the final, the ultimate joke. And since laughter is highly contagious, perhaps even the hardest heart will in time catch the disease, turn around, see the joke, and then laugh with the rest of creation because the kingdom of God has drawn near."

---

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An elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 200 $1 bills.

He called his wife into the closet to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for their entire 30 years of marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?"

The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time during their marriage that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box.

The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 30 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $200 was for.

She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbors for $1."

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and said, "Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, you must be smarter than Einstein."

Beaming with pride, the minister said, "Why, thank you, brother!"

As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man's compliment. The more he thought, the more he became baffled as to why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So he decided to ask the man the following Sunday.

The next Sunday he asked the parishioner if he remembered the previous Sunday's comment about the sermon. The parishioner replied that he did. The minister asked: "Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?"

The man replied, "Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, no one can understand you."

---

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he for a long time.

The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying
"Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an
animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."


Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick replied "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."

A slightly "humor impaired" preacher attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry. There were many well known and dynamic speakers present to provide the guidance necessary.

One speaker boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and he delivered the rest of his talk, which went over quite well.

The next week, the pastor decided he'd give this humor thing a try, and use that joke in his sermon. As he surely approached the pulpit that sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head but it suddenly seemed a bit foggy.

Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" The congregation inhaled half the air in the room. After standing there for almost 10 seconds in the stunned silence, trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"

---

The teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots.

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

Her trial starts next month.

---

  

          A woman left work right away after receiving a call that her daughter was at home sick with a fever. She stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication but discovered when she got back to her car that she had locked her keys inside.

She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that her the fever was getting worse and suggested, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who had locked their keys in their car. Once back at her car, she had no idea what to actually do with the coat hanger.

So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate and also very thankful for the assistance.

The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft."

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!"

         One day God was looking down to earth and saw all of the evil that was going on and decided to send an angel down to earth to check it out.  so God called on a female angel and sent her to earth for a time. When she returned she told God, "yes it is bad on earth, 95% is bad and 5% is good."

          Well, God thought for a moment and said maybe I had better send down a male angel to get both points of view. So God called a male angel and sent him to earth for a time. When the male angel returned he went to God and told him yes the earth was in decline, 95% was bad and 5% was good.

          God said this was not good and decided to send a letter to the 5% that were good and encourage them, something to help them keep going. Do you know what that letter said?.........................................

          Oh, you didn't get one either?!

Careful of Our Compasses

I found this great story on a website while doing some research for sermons.

It was April and the Aboriginals in a remote part of Northern Australia asked their new Elder if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Elder in a modern community he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn’t tell what the winter was going to be like.

Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the tribe should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he had an idea. He walked out to the telephone booth on the highway, called the Bureau of Meteorology and asked, ‘Is the coming winter in this area going to be cold?’

The meteorologist responded, ‘It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold.’

So the Elder went back to his people and told them to collect even more wood in order to be prepared.

Conscientiously, a week later the Elder called the Bureau of Meteorology again. ‘Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?’

The meteorologist again replied, ‘Yes, it’s going to be a very cold winter.’

The Elder again went back to his community and advised them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later the Elder called the Bureau again. ‘Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?’ he asked.

‘Absolutely,’ the man replied. ‘It’s looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever.’

‘How can you be so sure?’ the Elder asked.

The weatherman replied, ‘Our satellites have reported that the Aboriginals in the north are collecting firewood like crazy, and that’s always a sure sign.’

--http://sustainablelivingwise.com/forecasting-weather-patterns/

Even though the point seems rather obvious, I have been thinking about the implications of this story. In life, we sometimes are unsure about our way. We don't know where we want to be long term. We are not clear about what we might want the future to bring; so, we look for signs all around us that would indicate where we might go from here.

Some signs point us toward more prestigious jobs, fancier cars, a new group of friends, a particular brand of clothes, the list goes on and on...We judge the success of others by their appearances, and expect that others will do the same for us.

One day near the end of last year, I was playing with a compass in my office. As I held it on a flat surface I had nearby, I noticed that it was pointing the wrong way for "north." Then it dawned on me. In my "infinite wisdom," I was using one of those note pads that attach to the refridgerator -- by a magnet. Of course, the pull from the magnet was causing the compass to be unable to see true north. Instead it simply pointed to the closest thing that attracted it.

During the season of Lent, we take time to be careful of our compasses. We check to make sure that our lives are pointing -- not to the nearest fad or fancy -- but to our "True North" in Jesus Christ. He alone can guide us. He alone can steer us through the obstacles of life. He alone is worthy of having everything directed by and toward Him.

May we lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles us and run with endurance the race that is set before us. [Hebrews 12:2]

A Tale of Two Gardens

I found these stories about two very different gardens to be enlightening:



Story One

This year's garden has to be the best one we've ever had. Everything is growing like weeds (except the weeds are actually under control). The radishes came in much faster than we expected, and now the harvesting has begun. Cukes, squash, and basil are already coming in (with a few hopeful basil plants from seed that look forward to a new spot in the garden). The tomatoes are loaded! The green beans are full of blooms, and the okra is just where it needs to be. We have not had to water at all because the rain comes just in time.
Even better is the fact that we have been able to share the garden with others. Just yesterday, we had fresh herbs and veggies for supper with friends and were able to make a couple loaves of zucchini bread -- YUM! Friends have also made the garden easier to manage this year as we have had help from people hailing as far away as India, China ... even KENTUCKY! Even if we get nothing else from our garden, we have already been truly blessed.

Story Two

Wouldn't you know it, our garden is just a mess this year. Grass is EVERYWHERE! I wish I had weeds because they are easier to pull up than this infernal Bermuda Grass. I think that's part of the problem we've had so far this year. Of course, the radishes came up -- so hot that no one has been able to eat even part of one without gasping for breath. But along with the radishes came the grass and the bugs -- THE BUGS!!! I have already found squash bug eggs on the zucchini, and my wife and I have both found Mexican Bean Beetles on our green beans (they ate all the green beans before we could stop them last year). We might be able to keep the grass under control except for the rain. Every time we have the opportunity to work in the garden, it rains just hours before.
What's worse is that our kids show little interest at all in the garden this year. We use weeding (actually pulling grass) as a threat for punishment. Doesn't matter though, I seem to be a little "gardening impaired" this year, anyway. I have broken okra off at the ground, chopped down bean bushes, driven stakes through soaker hoses....I did not plant the peppers in a place for them to thrive like I wanted, and the few basil seeds we sowed that actually came up are going to die in the shade of the tomato plants. I could have saved myself a lot of trouble if I had forgotten this crazy idea of a garden!

Here's the part I like: both gardens are the same garden! That's right. Both stories easily describe the little slice of Eden/Hades that I have intentionally planted beside the house. Each story is true, depending on the way I choose to look at the world and my place in it. Honestly, there are days when 'story two' tries to creep into my mind. The discouragement, the pessimism, and the cynicism are always ready to leap into service even before I call their names. But the Apostle Paul, I believe, would like 'story one' the best. In Philippians 4:8 he wrote,

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse." [The Message Translation]

Yes, things can be difficult, but God is with us and works for good in our lives (Romans 8:28). There is always more to celebrate than to commiserate. There is more given in grace than given for grumbling. There is always more life in Christ than loss in the world. So, I choose, today, to walk in the first garden -- the vision of things the way that God intends them. I will see the goodness, the grace, the extension of friendship and fellowship, and thank my God who provides them all (James 1:17).

Grace and Peace,

I feel a change is a-coming

For those of you familiar with the United Methodist system, let me assure you -- no, I am not talking about a move for me and my family. Good Lord willing, we will be re-appointed to the North Easley Charge in June.

No, the change I am talking about is more vague; a sense that God is preparing to do something big and different in the life of the churches. None of this should be unexpected. It is who we are in Christ. We are a people who are called to grow and to change more and more into the likeness of Christ. As I see the change a-coming, I recognize that it can be difficult at the same time. It makes me think of an article from the Kaleo Fellowship Web Site, kaleochurch.com by David Fairchild called“Life or death,” from May 2, 2004:

Some of us are confused about what it means “to live.”

We should have instinctively known life would be difficult. We were pulled out of a nice warm place, buck naked, in front of strangers, and spanked until we cry. That theme repeats itself for the next several decades.

Some of us have been told a lie that sounds something like this: Pray this prayer and your life will be wonderful. Your life will be filled with happiness and joy. Your life will look like a Hallmark card set in a Thomas Kincaid painting. You were lied to.

Someone may have had such zeal to get you to pray a prayer that he or she broke one of the commandments to get you to pray it!

Some of you may have also been told another lie — that Christ is a spiritual piñata and if you whack him with the right prayer stick, he’ll be forced to give you whatever you want. “Pray this prayer for 30 days and your borders will be increased.” The only thing that is proven to grow my borders after 30 days is eating McDonald’s. I have seen my borders grow before my very eyes! Yet I don’t see a book titled The Prayer of Ronald.

Only in an American culture would we expect a life without suffering, and life without pain, a life without difficulties ....

Jesus comes to Paul in dramatic circumstances and Paul is so changed by this experience and by the reality of Christ, that his life is flipped upside down and he is now living in response to another. That other is Christ.

But notice that Paul doesn’t say to live for Christ, he says to live is Christ. Christ is life.

When the time to change comes, it is often painful and costly. I have also discovered that the things which cost us nothing are all too often worth the price we paid -- nothing. Change challenges the things we hold dear; it calls us to re-examine our resources, where we currently pour our time and energy. We are dared to be bold in looking at our traditions and assumptions. We must be willing to lose our lives for the sake of the gospel so that we might find our life in Christ [Matthew 16:25].

I wish I had a catchy end for this blog; I don't. I simply feel a building tsunami waiting to wash away some stale, ineffective parts of my ministry to prepare the land for the new building by the Spirit of God.

—

In honor of Holy Humor Sunday

Peace and joy,
James


If Noah lived in 2010:

The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark. "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, "I'm your man."

Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.

"Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah.

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system.

"My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.

Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them, so no owls.

"Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind.

"Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!

"Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

"No," said the Lord. "The government already has."

--Anonymous

Let's Hear it for God!

As I was working on my sermon for Sunday, I discovered a story that I just do not have time to include, and yet it is quite profound...

My wife and I recently went on vacation and took along a camera and several rolls of film. Upon our return, my wife began proudly showing off our latest set of vacation photos; she’d then tell me her coworkers’ reactions. After a few days of this, I noticed a recurring theme. Invariably, people would say, “Wow, your husband must have a really nice camera!”

Even though people liked my photos, I was disappointed. I wanted them to acknowledge what a good photographer I am, not what a good camera I have.

I ranted to my wife: “Why do people do this? Nobody looks at a painting and says, ‘Nice brushes!’ Nobody looks at a skyscraper and says, ‘Nice drafting table!’ Nobody looks at a sculpture and says, ‘Nice chisel!’ What’s wrong with these people?”

It felt good to get that off my chest. Until my wife reminded me, “So, how often do you look at creation and say, ‘Nice work, God’?”

— Larson, Crag and Elshof, Phyllis (eds.).1001 Illustrations that Connect. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2008.p 122.

The world that surrounds us is amazing, far beyond anything that people have been able to adequately describe through the years. Let us take time to celebrate the One who has given us life in this most wonderful world. Let us praise the Creator for this marvelous work!

Let's hear it for God!